I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he puts the penis in happiness.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
