I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
