I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
