I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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