Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
