Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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