he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
