Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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