Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
