Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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