Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
