I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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