It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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