Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
