Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
