I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize