i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
