I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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