did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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