Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
