Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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