Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
