the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
