I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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