I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't deserve a penis
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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