holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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