my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
