she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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