Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
