At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
