FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
