dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drake has all the answers
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize