do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
