Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
