The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
