he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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