As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
