My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
