I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
