As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Randomize
