Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
