I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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