Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
