I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we're making bets on your personal life
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize