If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
