come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
