Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize