Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just tell him i said nine months
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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