i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
