Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
