The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
