he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
