What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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