Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
