A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
