She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
