He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
