I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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