the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
