Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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