Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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