Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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