One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
