Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
