super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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