walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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