like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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