it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
