...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize