Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
