i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
