VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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