proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
