my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
