so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
