at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
did you just send me my own nude
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
