My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
