just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
