OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
