i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
