No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
