I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
