I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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