brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
