this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am mentally ready for anal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
