someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
