butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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