I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I love you.
Bad choice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
