just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
