Kiss
Puke
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
