i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
