I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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