I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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