This girl is more easily done than said...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
