ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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