The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
