12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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