Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
