I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
