I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
