I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
